RTS Gaming
Filed under: PC

Totally Accurate Battle Simulator is a Dumb but Fun RTS Game

Generally speaking, there’s a direct connection between strategy games and intelligence. A smart player can play a powerful game. But not all strategy games are inherently intelligent. I’m talking about arguably the dumbest, and most enjoyable RTS games on the market: Totally Accurate Battle Simulator.

Developed and published by Landfall in 2019, Totally Accurate Battle Simulator (or TABS for short) is a game about putting an army together. There is a variety of quirky and strange battle units to choose from, ranging from medieval archers to clam people to Zeus himself. You may have heard of this game before if you spend enough time online.

The main idea behind TABS is that you would be given an environment and an enemy army, consisting of a changing variety of units. You’d have to spend a set number of points to purchase your own units, forming an army that can successfully defeat the opponent. Do you go with an overwhelming number of weak but ranged units, or do you pick the large, powerful unit costing more points.

So whats so dumb about it? See for yourself.

Every soldier, fighter, mage, and horse, is dopey as absolute hell. The overall design around the game is taken in a very joking manner, leading to every unit having preposterous skill sets and a general lack of fine motor skills. There’s something so dumb about an army of soldiers dying by an all-powerful chicken and Chuck Norris.

TABS is technically an RTS game. You choose units and engage in combat in real time. It doesn’t have the settlement building and resource gathering aspects, sure, but the core is there. 

Totally Accurate Battle Simulator is available on Steam PC for $14.99

The developers, as an April Fools Joke of sorts, actually released a spin off game called Totally Accurate Battlegrounds. This used the same graphical style and quirky nature of TABS, but in a battle royale format. If you think the units wobble weirdly in this, try seeing it in first person perspective.